Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
