make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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