How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
