Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
