he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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