Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
