why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
