Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
