standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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