sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
