I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
