Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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