I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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