please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
