Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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