dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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