went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
