so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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