Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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