Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
