I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
