i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
