Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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