Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
