just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
