If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
