I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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