Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
