Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
