Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
