Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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