Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
