i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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