He felt like a one man threesome
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
