...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
