Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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