Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
