You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
