Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
