What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
