Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
