ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it because I queefed?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
