i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone threw a dead crab at me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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