There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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