My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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