This is not my ceiling
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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