bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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