recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
