you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
