I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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